What Would Darth Vader Do?

Star Wars fans in an ecommerce company? Not exactly a revelation huh. Nearly half of our dedicated WhiteFencers are Intergalactic to the core, so I thought it appropriate to dedicate this blog to all those lovers of all things Lucas. Every good blog deserves reserved parking for at least one fan boy and girl entry. So now the list...

But what is a list without a purpose? In the honor of rising energy prices, I went with the tried and true subject of lowering your monthly electricity bill, proper Dark Lord of the Sith style. Now you'll probably wonder, why only 8? Well because it's Darth freaking Vader. It was hard enough to find my man voice while asking for 8. You wanna ask him for two more tips?

Without further adieu, I present to thee Darth Vader's 8 Ways to Lower Your Energy Bills:

1.  Turn the lights off when you leave a room. The last of my 501st to leave the lights on found a new bunking situation in the garbage chute. Who's the master now? Wait... Now, I am the master.

2.  Wash full cycles of clothing and dishes. I find waste and laziness to be utterly disturbing. Those that perpetuate that which I find utterly disturbing find their throats in my force grip. Then I find myself growing angrier by the second as precious energy needed to fuel my galactic ambitions is wasted on a load of socks.

3.  One word. Programmable Thermostat. Join us... it's quite nice actually. I set the temperature to remain above 78 degrees while I'm away smiting my foolish and weak enemies, and turn it to a comfortable level upon my return. Sing it with me: I'm as cold as ice.

4.  Though later I laughed when I heard about the Wampa nearly clawing young Skywalker to death,  I don't find using incandescent light bulbs the least bit amusing. Quite frankly, I don't find much amusing. CFLs= up to 70 percent less energy. Use them, or pay the price of those who do not heed my advice.

5.  Purchase energy-efficient appliances. Look for the efficiency ratings while shopping and shed wasteful water and electricity habits with a flip of the switch. Boom goes the Wookiee.

6.  Energy audits. Some fool let a small crack in the Death Star become a rather large defeat at the hands of the single Rebel pilot. Hire an auditor, seal the leaks and cracks, insulate, examine your cooling and heating systems and watch your energy bill drop like an Imperial shield generator on Endor. As for the fool... well let's just say a permanent vacation with a herd of untamed mountain Rancors served him well.

7.   I told my personal assistant to shut off the LCD and surround sound before leaving. The next assistant got the message, though now I need a new assistant for my assistant, just in case my assistant forgets to power off my goodies again and I have to sell them to the Hutts. Electronics are wasteful when left on, sucking some 30 percent of daily energy in the average living quarters like a black hole in the darkest reaches of space.

8.  Though I generally prefer gentle force levitation or the deadly sound of a Twin Ion Engine incorporated in a symphony of twin-fired lasers, I've considered ride sharing (though oddly enough no show of hands when I asked at the last all-hands meeting). Saves gas and saves money, plus it keeps the miles from wearing down my vintage, Sienar autographed TIE. Woot!